Batman vs. The Avengers

Now that The Avengers is out and Marvel characters are gaining a whole lot of new fans, I feel worried that the greatest superhero in comics has no chance to compete against the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. Over the past couple of weeks I have read some articles on how Iron Man is a better superhero than Batman, on how The Dark Knight Rises just isn’t looking as fun or as big as The Avengers is. So I decided to take it upon myself the task of inventing a scenario where Batman comes out on top.

To be fair, The Avengers movie was frakkin’ awesome. It could easily be the best comic book movie ever. At least it’s the best of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It had everything a Comic Book movie should be: Great fights, great humor, great villains, and at the end of the day a great hook for the next one. Ten years ago no one would’ve thought that a movie like this would be possible, now we know that it is and it can be hugely successful as well.

There’s just no beating a whole bunch of superheroes coming together to fight a big threat. This is also one of the reasons why I believe that The Dark Knight Rises will not be as successful as Avengers. The movie could turn out to be better, but like I said, there’s nothing better than superheroes coming together. The reason The Dark Knight did better than Iron Man 4 years ago was because no one knew who Iron Man was at the time. Now, everyone and their mothers know who he is and want to see him team up. There’s just not that going on with The Dark Knight Rises. So, I admit, I believe that The Avengers will beat Batman at the box office and it won’t even be close. I think even the most diehard Batman fanboy would have to agree.

However, I’m not going to talk about the box office here.

What I’m going to talk about is how Batman, the character, can beat The Avengers.

It is one of those unwritten rules that Batman fans like to throw around whenever a discussion like this comes up: Batman, given enough time to prepare, can beat any character in any universe. Non-Batman fans hate this, regardless of Marvel or DC camp. To be honest most arguments in favor of the “rule” are mindless cries of “Batman Wins every time!!!1!1!”. They’re not exactly well thought out and they can be easily refuted with minimal logic.

But, it is established in the DC universe that Batman has contingency plans to take out every single member of the Justice League, in case they ever went rogue. Those plans have played an important part in some stories and they provide insight into Batman’s character. He’s a paranoid bastard, essentially, but the stories are interesting nonetheless. Who’s to say that in the event of him having to take out The Avengers, he wouldn’t have some sort of plan? I mean, he is Batman.

So here are my thoughts on how Batman could take out The Avengers. I’m only going to address the movie Avengers, since there are far too many in the comics to include. Plus I’m lazy and I only thought about them.

In the interest of fairness, I feel I should state that I’m a huge Batman fan and I am going to be incredibly biased regarding the scenario. Batman will win here, I’m just going to point out the ways I think it could be done.

Please feel free to comment on your thoughts on who would win in the specific scenario. Also, please note that I’m not an expert on these characters. I’m more of a DC fan so if there’s some mistakes on a specific character’s abilities or powers, please correct me.

All right, Let’s kick this pig!

Batman vs. Iron Man

This is the most obvious fight, seeing how both characters are very similar. Both are super rich jerks that put on a high tech suit to fight crime. Iron Man’s suit is obviously much more powerful and strong than Batman’s. In a straight up fistfight, I believe that Iron Man would easily win. He has more armament and is almost invulnerable while he’s in the suit.

But who said that it was going to be a straight up fight?

Batman, having studied Tony Stark in case he ever went evil, knows his biggest weakness: alcohol. Batman, or in this case Bruce Wayne, could easily and convincingly incapacitate Stark with a simple invite to Wayne Manor. It could be a party or gathering of some sort, something Tony would have a hard time resisting, especially if there’s women involved. Wayne knows this and uses it to his advantage, easily spiking Stark’s drink in order to incapacitate him. Now Iron Man is out of the equation and Batman can move on to the next potential threat.

Batman vs. Thor

This one’s a bit tricky. Batman, being a mere mortal, cannot compete against an actual God, can he? Again I ask, who said Batman was a mere mortal. He may be a human being, but he’s one of the smartest characters in the DC Universe. He’s definitely smarter than Thor. And, Thor, being from Asgard and a legendary warrior, is kind of proud of himself and a little egotistical. Not to the extent of Tony Stark, of course, but he’s can still be a bit narcissistic. Batman can easily exploit this.

Unlike Stark, Thor can still pack a punch without his trusty weapon, the mystical hammer Mjolnir. Batman can either steal this hammer or goad Thor into fighting without it, making it’s retrieval a bit easier.

“But Jimmy” you might say, “only those worthy can lift the hammer”. To that I say, you’re right, only those worthy shall posses the power of Thor, or so goes the inscription. Batman is not going to have a simple thief steal the hammer, he’s going to get it himself. Batman is more than worthy to lift the hammer of Thor. He has proven his dedication and sacrifice in order to rid Gotham of evil and try to save lives. He is also a great warrior, Odin would be able to see this and grant Batman the ability to wield the hammer and its powers. Batman now has the mighty hammer Mjolnir and, trust me, he will know how to use it.

One of the abilities granted by the hammer is dimensional travel. Swinging the hammer can open portals to other dimensions. Batman will have studied the hammer extensively before going after it, knowing its full capabilities. When he gets possession of it, he opens a portal to another dimension, fighting Thor into it. Once he is able to trap him there, he closes the portal, still with Mjolnir, leaving Thor stranded.

Thor is now out of the picture. Two down, four to go.

Batman vs. Hulk

Again, Batman is faced with possibly the strongest character in the Marvel Universe. Hulk is able to go toe to toe with Gods, Batman doesn’t stand a chance. Batman knows he doesn’t stand a chance, he’s not stupid. A head on fight with the Green Behemoth will not end well for him.

As with the previous two, he has to get the man away from his weapon. In this case he has to prevent Bruce Banner from getting angry. Batman will just have to sedate Bruce Banner indefinitely to prevent him from turning into the Hulk. Out of the big guns in the Avengers, Hulk is proving to be easiest one to contain. Bruce Banner is not a fighter, therefore Batman needs only to drug him without his knowledge in order to put Banner in a chemically induced coma. Hulk comes out when Banner is angry or in life-threatening danger, a mere coma will probably not trigger the transformation, leaving the team without their strongest member.

Batman vs. Captain America

This is more  of a straight fight. Batman and Cap can go toe to toe and the winner is probably determined by votes if it ever came to it. Batman is a master of a lot of different martial Arts, and is at the peak of physical condition, as is Cap. The difference being that Batman is better at manipulating people, especially during a fight. If the battle came to a stalemate, Batman could easily convince Cap to abandon the fight, to give up. I know what you’re going to say, “Cap doesn’t give up” but keep in mind that Captain America also has a weakness, people. He will not endanger the lives of innocents. If Batman doesn’t win with fists, he will bluff his way into a victory.

Imagine that they find themselves tired an exhausted after a long battle. Batman needs his energies to take care of the rest of The Avengers, he’s not going to waste them on Cap. He has a plan B. Batman, along with many superheroes will not endanger the lives of innocents. This doesn’t mean he won’t pretend to. He can fool Captain America into protecting civilians that do not need it from a made up threat. Maybe a bomb will go off in the city or something. That is all Batman needs to get Captain America, tired and removed from the team. He will be occupied thinking he’s saving human lives, when in fact Batman will have simply tricked him. This is, of course, only in case Batman doesn’t beat Captain America hand to hand.

Batman vs. Hawkeye

This fight is more suited for DC’s resident master Archer, Green Arrow. Both have amazing skills with the bow and trick arrows for any situation. Batman can take him down, I’m pretty sure that Hawkeye won’t be much of a problem.

Unlike Green Arrow, though, Hawkeye is a great marksman with a variety of weapons, not just the bow and arrow. He can use just as effectively a gun, a rifle or even throwing knives. Batman needs to remove his skill from the team. He can do this easily by breaking Clint Barton’s hands. Without the use of his hands, he is now useless. He is still a very good martial artist, but now he is severely handicapped for a fight. Batman takes him down and out of the equation.

Batman vs. Black Widow

Last, but not least, is the infamous Black Widow. She is a master fighter, acrobat, marksman, spy and manipulator. She can use her sexuality to get men to do whatever she wants, in addition to her skills as a former Russian Spy. She will use her femininity and her “persuasion skills” to try and beat Batman. And she will think she will succeed.

Batman has seen this before, hell it happens to him every other week. He knows how it works and is probably immune to it by now. But, he will play along. Giving the Black Widow a fake position of power, she becomes vulnerable to attack and influence. Batman can convince her that she’s won and wait until her back is turned to deliver an incapacitating blow, or simply convince her to turn to his side. It wouldn’t be the first time she changes teams, and it’s not the first time Batman has convinced a woman to change sides.

Out of the six members, Black Widow is the easiest and takes the least effort to subdue. I’m not saying she’s not skilled in combat and interrogation, I’m just saying that Batman is more skilled than her. Again this is just in the case that Batman doesn’t win in a straight up fight with her. This would be his plan B, which is just as effective for our purposes.

The Avengers have been taken out by Batman.

So, there you have it. Those are my “plans” for Batman to take the Avengers out. It probably isn’t the best way to do it, but it’s the way that came to mind when I thought about writing this post. Feel free to refute my plans and explain why some or none of them won’t work in the comments. Hell, if you have better ideas, please comment.

I admit that Batman would lose if he had to fight toe to toe with the big guns, but the scenario put forward is not about a straight fight. Batman doesn’t work that way. He’s smart and will take any opportunity he gets If he feels he needs to take them out. He has taken out the Justice League, he can take out The Avengers.

Just, probably not this year at the Box Office.

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~ by jimmyboots1 on May 10, 2012.

2 Responses to “Batman vs. The Avengers”

  1. this is really pathetic.

    your just a jealous dc fan. batman sucks.

  2. […] would also have to say if the reasoning of one blogger holds true, that Batman can beat the Avengers—including the Hulk—I would also say he can beat Spiderman, […]

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